


Freedom

by grosskaneki



Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Omorashi, Pants wetting, So much comfort, Torture (not graphic), Wetting, emo piss, hide is The Best Bf, hide is v sweet and gentle, pisscore™, why am i the way that i am, why is it so long
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-04
Updated: 2016-09-04
Packaged: 2018-08-12 21:57:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,026
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7950685
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/grosskaneki/pseuds/grosskaneki
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kaneki manages to break himself out of torture without any real conflict or battle to reach Hide, but he still has to deal with the consequences of being tied to a chair for a week.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Freedom

**Author's Note:**

> HOPEfully this makes sense but it's a sort of au. a dumb and self indulgent au but an au
> 
> im hoping after this tht ill finally work up th courage to write my first non-tg work!! itll be voltron+klance omo possibly
> 
> IM SO SORRY ABOUT THE RIDICULPUS WORD COUNT I ACCIDENTALLY MADE IT EMO

Kaneki was finally on his way home.

He wasn't sure exactly why the first thought on his mind after breaking out was Hide, and he was even less certain of why his very human significant other was so close to the Aogiri base where he'd been held for the past eight days that he could easily pluck out his scent from the air, but Kaneki knew that he needed to reach him. Hide was comfort and warmth and kindness―he was Kaneki's _home_ , and he was desperate for anything resembling normalcy and safety after the hell he'd been put through.

He'd broken out rather unceremoniously―after Yamori had let it slip that his friends had, in fact, not been spared and all his suffering had been for naught, Kaneki was simply sick and tired of his situation. He was exhausted and terrified and _done_ with the restraints and the endless, endless snapping of fingers and toes and the horrific crawling, gnawing sensation in his left ear and the inevitable, humiliating, degrading side effects of being tied to a chair for more than a week with no access to a restroom, panicked and weak to boot. If he was the only one endangered by the torture―if nobody else was being spared because of his imprisonment or punished because of his freedom―then there was no point to bearing all this pain anymore.

It was rather simple when he put his mind to it; all Kaneki had to do was simply wait until Yamori left him alone, then exert enough force with his forearms and wrists to snap through the wood of the chair. It was excruciatingly painful and his lacerated wrists had started bleeding anew, but he was _free_ , or at least as free as a traumatized, exhausted person with their hands cuffed behind their back and their feet shackled together could be.

Following Hide's faint scent, Kaneki shuffled blankly out of that godforsaken room, feeling less emotion than what he'd expected. Where was the panic, the anger, the crushing despair, the fighting spirit, the _strength_? It made no sense, he mused. Kaneki only felt numb and exhausted.

He was acutely, painfully aware of the difficulty he was experiencing in trying to walk; not only were his ankles chained together and chafed raw, allowing him only short, careful steps, but there was a persistent, almost painfully urgent pressure in his lower stomach that was impossible to ignore.

He'd chosen an extremely inconvenient time to liberate himself, to say the least.

Having had no possible way to relieve himself other than simply emptying his bladder where he sat, Kaneki had repeatedly soaked his clothes over the hellish eight-day period. Sure, he'd delayed the inevitable as long as he could, held back his urge as long as was physically possible out of habit and pride, but terror or anxiety or just plain exhaustion always won out, forcing him to endure the same humiliation of watching himself helplessly soil his pants over and over again. Thankfully, this hadn't happened since his clothes had been changed a day ago (an entirely separate degrading and uncomfortable process, but he didn't want to think about that right now), so he wouldn't have to be seen like that in front of Hide, but the downside was that this meant he'd been holding his bladder for nearly a full day and he was _aching_ with desperation.

That, combined with the immense amount of pain he was in and the fact that his hands were still bound behind him, making it impossible to do _anything_ about his need, set his chest thrumming with anxiety―Kaneki was _not_ going to wet himself in front of Hide. No matter how pathetic or helpless he felt about the overall situation, he could, and _would_ , hold it until he had access to a bathroom, or, at the very least, until his hands were free. At least, that was what he kept telling himself.

He sniffed the air, and cracked a pained smile when he picked up the familiar, warm, cinnamony scent. When he reunited with his boyfriend, everything would be okay; this he was certain of, somewhere deep inside.

At the same time he was musing on this, as if by some sort of cruel cosmic joke, Kaneki's ankle bent the wrong way on a rogue crack in the pavement and he hissed in pain, then whimpered, clenching his hands into fists, his whole body trembling. His bladder honestly felt like it was going to explode, he had to go so bad. Kaneki's mind flicked through his memory to semi-forgotten anatomy classes―was it possible to actually injure himself from holding his bladder for so long? Had he already done so, judging by the throbbing pain in his stomach that he wasn't even sure whether to classify as nausea or urgency anymore? _Yes_ and _possibly_ were the answers he settled on before forcing himself to endure the worsening agony and desperation and continue to walk, to keep heading towards home.

The smell was closer now, and he tried to move a little faster―he just wanted to be _away_ from this hideous place―but, as he felt his legs and bladder protest, he was forced to resume his zombielike shuffling gait. It was almost a new form of torture, Yamori's preemptive revenge for his escape; Hide was so, _so_ close, but every step hurt and it was taking him so agonizingly long and his bladder was aching for release and he was just overwhelmed and tired and helpless all over again. He was beginning to wonder if he'd hallucinated the smell in his panicked, desperate state, when―

"...Kaneki?"

His eyes shot wide open, his head snapping to full attention. Hide had been just around the corner this whole time, and there he was, here and solid and _real_ ―but there were tears in his eyes, tears that triggered an avalanche of guilt which crushed Kaneki to bits.

Hide was here and solid and real and _crying_.

There were tears welling in the eyes of the brightest light that Kaneki had ever known and it was all his fault. All because of him.

Already feeling like he was choking, he dropped his gaze to his scarred, bare feet, apologies just on the edge of his lips, ready to spill out all over the eerily silent night air. But: a pair of impossibly warm arms were suddenly wrapped around him, and his head buzzed comfortably with that familiar warm, cinnamony smell, and, despite himself, Kaneki's lips twitched into a smile.

Hide was doing his best to be careful and gentle with Kaneki so as not to accidentally overwhelm or hurt him―the poor boy was clearly shaken and injured, and in _chains_ ―and it showed in the hug. He couldn't see it, but Hide was beaming just as bright as ever, burying one hand in the brittle white hair that he wasn't sure of _how_ exactly had been bleached to nearly translucent, but he figured the answer wasn't pretty. As it was, he needed to get him back home as soon as possible; Kaneki needed to be as far away as he could get from this dangerous place full of traumatic memories. He looked pale, exhausted, bone-thin, anxious, and so utterly, utterly pained; his wrists and ankles were little more than raw, bloody open wounds, his nails were caked with what looked like dried blood, and his fingers and toes seemed to be nothing but scar tissue. It hurt just to look at. Hide ached with how much he wanted to bring him to safety, to help him heal and recover and feel comfortable and safe again as soon as possible.

"I know you missed me, but you don't have to cry, 'neki," Hide teased, part playfully and part sincerely, pulling back and rubbing a tear away from Kaneki's cheek that he wasn't previously aware of having been there.

"Hide― I― why are you―? How did you...?" he stuttered, spilling over with questions, and fell silent at the abnormally serious expression he got in return.

"I..." He sighed, running a gentle hand through Kaneki's hair. "By a lucky shot, I planted a tracking device on Jason." Hide bit his lip nervously, rubbing at his cheeks, and, unconsciously, Kaneki mirrored the action. "It...it had an audio feed. Kaneki, I... I'm so, so sorry. I've been trying to figure out exactly where you were being kept for days now."

"Hide, it― it's dangerous here. You shouldn't have―" he began uncertainly, but was quickly shushed.

"I know, 'neki, I know, but I couldn't just stand by and wait. I couldn't sleep at night knowing... knowing what you were going through, y'know...?"

Kaneki wasn't sure, emotionally, of how to react to this in any way besides guilt, until Hide leaned down slightly to kiss his forehead. "I'm so glad you're okay. You're safe now, I promise you're safe. I swear I won't let him or anyone else hurt you ever again." The intensity behind his eyes faded, and he grinned, the expression filled with warm, gentle affection. "I'll get you home soon, and you can rest and recover and cuddle with me as much as you need to until you feel a little better, 'kay?"

He gave a weak, grateful smile, shaking slightly and carrying his body weight uncomfortably―his bladder was still painfully full, distracting and unnerving him, but he didn't feel like he could admit that to Hide. In fact, he was dead-set on holding it through the duration of this whole painful situation and not humiliating himself in front of his boyfriend.

Hide's demeanor suddenly changed as he seemingly remembered the urgency of the situation, and he steadied Kaneki with one hand on his shoulder, speaking quickly and seriously. "It isn't safe for you here. We need to get you out as soon as possible, okay?" That was something he could readily agree with, of course, and he nodded as vigorously as was possible for him.

His expression almost encouraging, Hide smiled and continued, "Can you walk?"

"Yeah," Kaneki mumbled, not because he actually could walk, but what other option did he have? He wasn't about to make Hide carry him. Biting his lip, he took an extremely shaky step forward as if to demonstrate his wellbeing, but had to stop and double over after just one step, an uncomfortable, desperate noise escaping his lips, his legs trembling and almost giving out.

"Kaneki, no." Hide moved to steady and support him, his hands gently lifting up on his upper arms. "You don't have to exert yourself, I'll carry you. It's fine." His brow was knitted with concern at the clear sounds of pain that he'd made at simply _attempting_ to walk, and, he noticed now, his entire body was trembling... Could he possibly have been even more severely hurt than what was apparent? Was there something broken or some sort of internal injury? He needed to bring Kaneki home _now_ , he decided, so he could rest and heal in safety and comfort, especially if there was something seriously wrong.

Hide carefully scooped Kaneki's frail, lightweight frame into a loose bridal carry, mindful of his restrained arms and legs and keeping in mind the possibility he'd just considered, and set off at a brisk pace. "I'll get the chains off of you soon, I promise. I just want to get you out of here and somewhere safe as soon as possible, okay?" he reassured, gazing worriedly down at him. "Is this alright? Are you comfortable?"

Kaneki, of course, wasn't comfortable―far from it. Unfortunately for him and his unbearably full bladder, he would likely put both of them in danger if Hide were to stop at this point, judging by the movement and shouts now audible from the base behind them. So he nodded and said nothing, doing his best to give no indication of any discomfort, but it was incredibly difficult; the effort required to hold himself back was starting to become too much for his exhausted body to handle, but he had to hold it, he had to, he would _not_ humiliate himself like that in front of his boyfriend. His legs shook as he tightly pressed them together, his wrists pressing hard into the chains that bound them, hands curled into fists, breath coming in short, shallow pants. A wave of desperation overtook him, and he let out a weak gasp, squeezing his thighs together as tightly as possible to stop the minuscule amount of urine that he was fairly sure had leaked out of him. "Agh― _nnh―_ ", his mouth whimpered without communication with his brain, and he frantically avoided Hide's gaze.

No, Hide thought, something was not at all right. Kaneki was shaking and squirming uncomfortably in his arms, breathing in worrying, quick gasps, unnaturally tense, and making pained, panicked, strained sounds that hurt just to listen to. "Kaneki, please... If something's wrong, talk to me. I want to help you," he near-pleaded, cradling the small, trembling body more snugly to him.

Kaneki simply shook his head, biting his lip for a long moment before he finally managed to choke out a weak "I― I'm fine." And he even managed to _act_ fine for about ten seconds, minus his hands straining against the chains, exacerbating the wounds that rung his wrists, until Hide carried him down a flight of concrete stairs. The jostling that resulted, no matter how unintentional on Hide's part, was not at all easy on Kaneki's bladder, and he gasped as he felt himself leak, for sure this time, panicked, desperate whimpers being wrung from his throat; he couldn't even hold onto Hide to steady or comfort himself with his hands bound. Strained words flew from his throat without his permission― "Hide―! Ahhn, _fuck―_ " ―but were quickly silenced by his teeth clamping back down on his bottom lip, hard enough to draw blood.

Kaneki was very clearly _not_ "fine", and his immediate health and safety took priority to Hide. Veering into the semisecluded opening of an alleyway, he gently lowered Kaneki to the ground. He figured that he was somehow physically uncomfortable and wasn't admitting it, and the best he could hope to do was try to make sure he was as comfortable as possible, which meant freeing his wrists and ankles sooner rather than later. "Kaneki, you need to tell me what's wrong. I'm gonna get you out of these, okay? Will that help?"

He nodded weakly from his unsteady crouch on the asphalt, wanting dearly to regain some form of free will, but, as soon as Hide's touch strayed near his hands, Kaneki flinched away and cried out weakly in instinctive panic, his breathing shallow and erratic from fear and desperation.

Hide sighed, not unkindly, before starting with a gentle, soothing touch on his upper arm and, very slowly and carefully, making his way down to his wrists while reassuring, "It's okay, 'neki. Breathe slowly, just breathe for me, in and out―good, that's great, you're doing great. You're safe, it's just me, everything's alright. I'm not going to hurt you." Continuing to soothe him, he fumbled with the restraints, but the way Kaneki was shaking and straining against the shackles made it nearly impossible to unchain him without further worsening his lacerated wrists.

He felt terrible, guilty that he was making this so difficult for Hide―he _knew_ he just wanted to help, so why was he still so panicked and frantic? Why couldn't he just admit what was really wrong? He probably thought there was something seriously wrong with him by this point. _Because it's so fucking_ stupid _of you_ , the cynical part of him whispered, and he didn't disagree―he'd just broken himself out of literal torture, and his main concern and source of discomfort was his need to relieve himself. A need that, incidentally, was getting impossible for him to deal with anymore. He could feel himself leaking more and prayed that Hide couldn't see, trying as hard as he possibly could to hold still for him and be patient, but it was so, so hard and he couldn't stop shaking and he had to go _now_ , he had to do something about his aching, overfull bladder _right now_ or he was going to lose control right here. It _hurt_ and he felt so helpless and weak, so needy and childish―he was nineteen years old, he'd survived in the ghoul world for so long already, he'd broken himself out of goddamn torture, but here he was, reduced to whimpers and unable to breathe or form words normally because of how badly he needed to piss.

Letting out a shaky sigh of relief as Hide managed to free his wrists completely, Kaneki immediately grasped for his jacket, fighting the urge to hold himself with all his energy, and felt Hide wrap his arms around him in a gentle, loose hug. He managed to choke out a quick "J-just wrists right now" through his desperation, and exhaled gratefully again when Hide seemed to understand and pulled back―he was certain it would all come out if he had to sit still and wait another second, and all he needed free were his hands, anyway.

"Can you stand on your own?" Hide asked, and, quickly finding that he in fact couldn't, Kaneki shook his head. He took a deep breath as Hide hooked his hands under his arms and started lifting him to his feet, and―oh, god, he hadn't been prepared for this. Panicked whimpers and whines tumbled out of his mouth involuntarily as he desperately tried to hold it in, and his legs shook weakly, his lips parting as he gasped shallowly and leaked more, avoiding Hide's gaze.

Hide was looking at him with frantic concern, asking what was wrong, what hurt, telling him that he was here and he just wanted to help, and Kaneki didn't have the energy to fight him off but he didn't have _time_ for this, he needed to go _now_ ―and that was when he couldn't hold it anymore.

He gasped shallowly as he lost control, feeling his bladder give out and empty itself, feeling himself soak his legs in piss. "Ahhn, no, _no_ ― _haah_ , f-fuck―" he whimpered, his voice cracking before degenerating into incoherent, relieved, strained moans. He was shuddering with the relief, his eyes watering from humiliation, as he desperately grasped for some sort of support so he wouldn't collapse on the spot.

Kaneki gripped Hide's arms suddenly and unexpectedly, whimpering and sobbing and making sounds of pain, and, at first, Hide was filled with worry that he was going to pass out. However, the hold that Kaneki had on his upper arms was too strong for that to be true, and then his ears caught the sound of streaming, splashing liquid, and he looked down instinctively, and― _oh. Oh. That_ was what had been wrong this whole time. Part of him felt like he should've known; Kaneki had been tied to a chair and relentlessly tortured for the past eight days, and he wouldn't put it past Yamori to force the poor boy to hold his bladder constantly. Suddenly, the seemingly random whimpering and sobbing and splashing he'd heard from the audio feed when he'd had the stomach to listen made a lot more sense to him...

Hide's gaze darted up to Kaneki's humiliated, teary expression, his face burning red, relieved whimpers and _moans_ falling from his lips, then flickered back down to the damp stain on his shorts, the urine streaming down his legs and puddling on the ground, and he couldn't help but blush.

He shook his head―he should _not_ have been feeling the way he was feeling about this. To ease his mind, he told himself that it was the needy, relieved moans and whines, it was just the _sounds_ that Kaneki was making that were so...so _attractive_ about this situation, nothing more. Kaneki was in pain and he couldn't possibly have helped losing control like this and he probably had horrible memories associated with it and was incredibly embarrassed and scared right now, Hide reminded himself, and he immediately felt a flood of sympathy for the trembling, whimpering boy uncontrollably wetting himself in front of him.

Sobbing weakly at the disgustingly familiar feeling of loss of control as his bladder emptied itself and his thighs grew sticky and hot and damp with his own bodily fluid, Kaneki let his gaze fall to the growing puddle on the ground, the wet warmth soaking through and staining his clothes, and choked back another sob that turned into a broken, relieved moan; he was already completely soaked, but there was still so much more _left_ , and he couldn't take another second of this humiliation, no matter how good it felt to finally relieve himself. He let go of Hide's arms in favor of shoving his hands between his legs, and, though it ached to do so, actually managed to stop the stream. Tears rolled down his flushed cheeks as he turned away and ran―well, limped as quickly as possible―away from Hide until his legs gave out and he collapsed, crouching in a sobbing, wet heap on the ground, urine still dripping off of him. Hiding his face in his hands and shaking with humiliation and shame and a twinge of fear, he simply curled up and cried quietly, despite how badly he still needed to finish emptying his bladder.

Kaneki weakly wrapped his arms around his aching stomach after a moment of quiet. There wasn't even really a sense of desperation anymore―it just _hurt_ , and he just felt sick and tired and ashamed, not only at the fact that he'd just almost completely pissed himself in front of Hide, but that a part of him had _enjoyed_ it. The way he'd felt about the whole situation was a way that made him think that had it not been for Hide's presence, he would have felt just as horrible and disgusting as he did under Yamori's watch, but now, instead, he'd actually found the overwhelming sensation of relief and release almost blissful, which was...gross. And weird. He was weird and gross.

Kaneki flinched noticeably at Hide's sudden presence slightly behind him, curling up tighter on himself and whimpering in pain and shame, shaking with the effort he was exerting to collect the shattered remains of his composure, and Hide's heart broke for him. He was cradling his lower stomach in a way that suggested he was trying to alleviate pain, and Hide couldn't help but wonder just how long he'd been holding it, and if he'd actually hurt himself somehow in doing so... But now, Kaneki's sobs and whimpers were turning into something resembling a coherent sentence, and he stopped and listened intently.

"H-Hide― don't, I just... it's gross, I'm―I'm gross... Please, you seeing me like this is... too much..." His voice was weak and small and broke several times over his tears, and Hide wanted nothing more than to pull him into a hug and resssure him and hold him close until he felt better, only refraining because he knew it'd likely startle him. Instead, he stepped a little closer and carefully kneeled next to him, not so close as to be invading his personal space, but, hopefully, close enough to be reassuring.

"Kaneki, hey... it's _alright_. It's not―" he cut himself off as his boyfriend's breath became shakier, quicker, and shallower― "hey, shh, it's okay... Breathe for me, remember? You're safe, everything's alright, just take deep breaths, nice and slow―there you go! You're doing great," he praised, his tone calm, gentle and melodic, giving the brightest grin he could muster. Kaneki peeked at him from above his knees, eyes teary and red; Hide reached tentatively for his hand to give it a gentle, reassuring squeeze, and smiled wider when he accepted the gesture.

"It's not your fault. And you _aren't_ gross, 'neki. It's completely fine." If either of us are gross, it's me for thinking that the sounds he's making are cute, Hide's internal monologue pointed out, and he sighed softly to himself―he'd deal with those feelings later. Right now, he needed to make sure that his boyfriend was alright and comfortable. Even if part of him was replaying the sounds Kaneki had made earlier over and over in his mind and finding Kaneki's expression and the fragile tone of his voice incredibly endearing.

Exaggerating the movement slightly so Kaneki could clearly see what he was doing and not be startled by the sudden touch, Hide reached up to gently stroke his hair. "It's just an accident, right? It's not a big deal. I'm glad you aren't more seriously hurt." He smiled again, managing to meet Kaneki's eyes. "You couldn't have possibly helped it... I understand, um, why, so you don't have to be scared or embarrassed, alright?"

"Mm," Kaneki mumbled, not so much from agreement as basic acknowledgement. He sighed, relaxing slightly into the rhythm of Hide's touch―then tensed again as his hand migrated to the space between his shoulders, rubbing his back in soothing circles. It wasn't that it didn't calm him down, it was that it drew attention to the fact that he still rather badly needed to pee.

"Sh― should I not...?" Hide asked hesitantly upon noticing the way Kaneki went rigid under his fingers, already lifting his hand away slightly.

"You're fine," he sighed, rocking slightly on his feet and worrying his lip between his teeth, still shaking almost imperceptibly. It _hurt_. It hurt so, so bad and he just wanted to go home, but he probably wouldn't even be able to move without losing it―his control was shattered. He was helpless.

Hide gave his back a few more solid, gentle rubs before pulling back. "Are you ready to keep going...? I think we're safe now," he observed, and, indeed, the sounds of conflict from the Aogiri base were no longer audible. "But I still want to get you home and resting as soon as possible, alright?" His tone shifted to a more careful, soft inflection as he reached over to give Kaneki's hand a gentle squeeze (and he was absolutely _not_ fighting the urge to trace his fingers along the damp spot between his legs, feeling the wet warmth on Kaneki's skin and the fabric, because that would be weird and perverted). "You're all wet... That can't be comfortable. We need to get you a nice, warm shower and rehydrated."

Kaneki nearly smiled at how thorough and thoughtful Hide was in his concern for him―it was almost maternal―but his face fell instead. He couldn't keep walking. He couldn't even continue to be carried without his bladder emptying itself all over him again. Kaneki hid his face again, realizing that not only was he stuck feeling like this, but that he'd have to _explain_ that to Hide. His lips moved without speaking as he searched desperately for a coherent way to put his situation, a search that was hurried along by the throbbing waves of desperation and pain that gripped his lower stomach.

Whimpering pathetically for a moment, he finally managed to regain his composure before forcing out a sort of explanation, knowing Hide's gaze was supportive and concerned, not scornful and disgusted, but still shrinking under it. "...I...I can't..." Swallowing nervously, he managed to turn his head and force his wide-eyed, teary gaze back up to his boyfriend. "I'm sorry, Hide, but... I just... please, I still n-need to― I― th-there's still more left but I can't, I... my legs don't feel right and my stomach hurts and I just... I don't think I can..." A whine forced its way out of his throat, and he choked it back down, shaking. "If I― if I move any more it'll all come out, and I... I don't want you to see me like that again..." He sniffled weakly, dropping his face to his knees, desperate, afraid, helpless, _pathetic_. "I can't take it..." That had come out more...more _vulnerable_ than he'd wanted, but he was just desperately trying to convey to Hide that he was going to finish pissing himself if he moved even an inch and he didn't want him to _see_.

Making a muted noise of sympathy, his chest aching with how bad he felt for the undeserving, innocent boy trembling and crying in front of him, Hide drew a bit closer, starting to rub Kaneki's back again. He bit his lip with concern, fighting the urge to toss his glance back to the puddle of urine that he knew was there behind them―there was still _more_? How long _had_ he been holding it?―and sighed. He didn't want to make Kaneki uncomfortable, really, he didn't―it was the last thing he wanted―but he'd just sounded so broken, so ashamed and pained, and Hide was beginning to worry that he was seriously hurting himself by continuing to hold it in. If Kaneki really couldn't move at all without wetting himself again, he guessed that, given the choice, he'd force himself to hold it for as long as he physically could, but... it just didn't seem _healthy_.

"Kaneki, you..." How was he supposed to phrase this? It wasn't that he just wanted to hear those sounds Kaneki had made again―that would have been selfish and inconsiderate of him. He just didn't want him to keep hurting himself like this, and he didn't want him to feel like he had to be so guilty and ashamed about this situation. After all, he couldn't have possibly helped it; the poor boy had been chained to a chair and _tortured_ for an ungodly amount of time, and it was hardly his fault he'd been forced to hold his bladder that whole time―it was just a natural consequence entirely out of Kaneki's control, and Hide hated to hear him feel bad and blame himself for it.

He sighed, finally coming up with a somewhat delicate way to, basically, ask Kaneki to just finish wetting himself right here. _God_ , this was weird.

"I... I don't want you to hurt yourself, Kaneki." A tired-looking pair of gray eyes flickered up to Hide, and he swallowed nervously. "I mean... It just seems like it's really hurting you, to... to keep doing this, and... I want you to be healthy, and comfortable."

Kaneki didn't even seem to be able to speak at the moment, but he did make a small noise of acknowledgement and confusion, so Hide kept talking. "What I'm saying, is, um... I think you should―I mean, if you want and you're comfy with it, of course!―y-you should just, um...let go."

The response was immediate. "Here? _Now?!_ "

"Uh, yes." Hide was fighting to keep the red off his cheeks and losing. "I―I was just thinking, you'd feel so much better... It seems like it'd be really unhealthy for you to keep holding it, and of course _I_ wouldn't mind at all―" he was beginning to get the sense that he was making things worse by continuing to babble, but he kept going regardless― "I mean, I just don't want you to be in pain... You've already been through so much, I just thought... you deserve to be comfortable."

"I..." Almost inclined to agree, Kaneki struggled for a moment with how to answer. On the one hand, he was here and safe and _home_ and Hide was being so unbelievably gentle and kind and understanding to him, and it was abundantly clear he was trying to help in any way he could and genuinely had his best interests at heart. On the other hand, though...no. There was absolutely no way he'd ever do something so...so _degrading_ as intentionally wetting himself, no matter how innocent the reason or how badly he needed to go, especially not in front of his boyfriend.

Barely able to speak, he simply shook his head and choked out a simple two-word phrase: "I can't."

"That's alright. Whatever you're comfortable with." Hide's response came quickly, almost automatically. The last thing he wanted―god, the absolute last thing he'd ever do―was to push Kaneki into something he wouldn't be okay with doing. But―he was still genuinely worried for his health...

Hide reached up to rub Kaneki's back again, in slow, predictable, rhythmic circles. If he wouldn't let go on purpose, he mused, all that was necessary was to stall him and let nature take its course; he just wanted to make absolutely certain that Kaneki wasn't in any pain or discomfort before they tried to walk any further together, and that... _process_ would likely go faster if Hide stayed with him.

"How about I finish getting these chains off of you, then?" It was a question, not a command, and he waited for Kaneki's shaky nod before carefully, so carefully and gently, beginning to remove the shackles around his ankles, periodically tossing his gaze back up to his boyfriend to check on his wellbeing.

After what might have been the fifteenth time checking up on him in about five seconds, he noticed that Kaneki was abruptly trembling much more severely than a moment ago, his hand shakily raising to cover his mouth as he whimpered. Unsure of whether the sudden unsteadiness was a product of panic or his awkward position, Hide decided to do the best he could to help with the possibility that he was getting anxious; there wasn't much he could do about the _other_ situation that wasn't invasive and overwhelming, after all.

"Kaneki, hey...everything's okay. You're safe. I won't hurt you." He paused for a moment in his untying (the chains were pretty depressingly tangled together) to lift his hands away from Kaneki's feet, instead cupping a hand on his cheek―it was just as soft and warm as he'd always remembered it being―and rubbing a thumb against it gently in an attempt to comfort him. "Is something wrong?"

" _Nnh_ , it― it's just―" Avoiding Hide's gaze, he swallowed nervously, fighting the urge to squirm or snap his legs shut or shove a hand between his legs. Movement at this point was a moot point, anyway―he was stuck in this unbalanced, awkward, crouched position, immobile yet trembling uncontrollably, lest he lose bladder control again so close to his boyfriend. "I... I'm alright, but you're moving me around and, _ah_ ―!" Both of them turned red as Kaneki lowered his head, hiding his face, fighting back the warm trickle he felt between his legs as his bladder leaked, too weak to effectively hold back anymore. He had to take a long moment, punctuated by soft moans and whimpers, to regain the slightest, smallest shred of control. "―I―I'm sorry, Hide... I really can't hold it..."

Hide's heart was beating uncontrollably in his chest. The tremble in Kaneki's voice, the barely visible, burning red tips of his ears, the sounds he'd made that were almost definitely moans, the way he'd tensed and curled up on himself as he'd fought to keep control―it was all unmistakably _adorable_ and he kept needing to remind himself that it was _gross_ that he was almost aroused by the whole situation. "It's―it's alright, Kaneki." Hoping his feelings towards the situation weren't glaringly obvious, he leaned over and gave Kaneki's nose a quick kiss, petting his hair one more time before returning his hands to the shackles around his ankles. "Whatever happens, happens, yeah...? I don't mind, I promise." God, this was awkward, this was so fucking awkward. He thanked whatever deities were out there that Kaneki had never been very perceptive, or else this situation would've been multiple times weirder.

Hide could've sworn that his boyfriend had peeked out from behind his hand and perhaps blushed a bit harder at his words. "You're so...relaxed, about all of this, Hide... Thank you."

"Of course, 'neki. You hanging in there?" Kaneki nodded shakily, and he tossed up a grin before returning to working on removing the cuffs, sticking his tongue out in concentration, internally sighing in relief at the unruffled, calm, comfortable-seeming response he'd received―he was happy that he hadn't made his boyfriend uneasy or nervous.

Kaneki, incidentally, was positively baffled by his ability to be so casual. Hide didn't seem grossed out or uncomfortable at _all_ , and it confused him more than anything―but he quickly had to turn his thoughts back to his swollen, exhausted bladder as it protested at the nearly imperceptible way he was being moved. His breath went shallow and shaky as his hands involuntarily grasped and clawed desperately at his own, still-damp clothes; his legs jerked awkwardly, torn between pressing together in desperation and pulling apart in benefit to Hide, and he wasn't sure which he'd lose control of first: his bladder, or his precarious balance.

As it turned out, the answer was both.

Hide hadn't even moved him an _inch_ as he'd given the chains a final tug to remove them from his battered ankles, and yet he'd still lost balance and fallen forward, losing control over everything all at once. Kaneki made a sound like a sob that he choked on as it turned into a moan, soaking his cold, soggy clothes through with hot urine all over again, pressing a shaky hand to his mouth in humiliation as he finally, finally just _let go_. Relief ran up his spine in irresistible shivers as his bladder completely emptied itself, puddling on the ground, and Hide was―Hide was _watching_ it happen but somehow still didn't seem disgusted. Even now, as fresh tears replaced the sticky old ones that clung to his lashes, spilling over his burning cheeks, even as he sat there _pissing himself_ like a little kid, _again_ , Hide was gentle. He'd had forewarning as to what was about to happen this time, so he rubbed his back in soothing circles, holding Kaneki in a loose, comfortable embrace as he trembled, relieving himself in his clothes. On top of everything else, Kaneki was making sounds―soft, whimpery moans, little "ahn"s and "haah"s and "ngh"s―that were unmistakably filthy, relieved and embarrassed and pleasured and something _else_ that he didn't even want to think about, but Hide didn't look unnerved by even that. All that mattered was that he was here and with Kaneki and being so unfathomably gentle and kind and understanding, and he _knew_ that it was going to be okay.

Hide's breath caught in his throat as Kaneki lost control, falling forwards into his chest, and his very first instinct was to wrap his arms around him and comfort him; it was a bit hard to focus, though, with the sounds that almost sounded sexual constantly tripping out from his boyfriend's lips as he was _wetting himself_ , for god's sake. He could feel Kaneki go tense, frantic with desperation and the momentary panic of losing control―and then he felt him just... _let it happen_ , just relax against Hide's chest and _let_ his bladder empty itself all over himself and the ground (and, admittedly, a significant amount was splashing onto Hide, but he didn't mind at all), moaning so softly and adorably, and it was so uncomfortably, incredibly, weirdly... _hot_. But he again pushed back those thoughts for the sake of Kaneki's comfort, and the only things that came out of his mouth were calmly whispered words of reassurance and gentle, hopefully comforting coos of "it's not your fault" and "just try to relax, I'm here, you're safe" and "let it all out, it's okay".

And so it went, Hide rubbing Kaneki's back and murmuring sweet nothings to him and Kaneki clinging to him and trembling and failing to hold back moans, until his bladder was finally completely empty. He couldn't help but give a soft, shuddering sigh at the sensation of release, the excruciating pressure in his lower stomach finally relieved; the embarrassment of the whole situation quickly caught up to him, however, and he tensed slightly in Hide's embrace, lifting his hands up to hide his face ashamedly.

"I'm sor―"

"No, no," Hide interrupted softly, in an almost playful, yet soothing tone. "Don't apologize, 'neki. It's alright, I don't mind at all. It's not your fault." Giving a comforting hum, he ran a gentle hand through Kaneki's hair; he was doing his best to reassure and praise him, to make sure that he _knew_ everything was okay. "Do you feel better now?"

Kaneki twitched slightly, unsure of whether or not to seriously respond to the question, before giving a slow, deliberate nod. He was overly conscious of the last few droplets of piss dripping off his thighs into the puddle he was sitting in, yet the relief he felt was almost enough to overlook the embarrassment and discomfort. He felt so... _empty_ , but it definitely wasn't a _bad_ empty―it was as if a weight had been lifted off his shoulders, as if his full bladder had been the last vestige of his captivity that he'd finally managed to rid himself of.

"I do," he near-whispered, relaxing into Hide's gentle touch. "I feel much better. Th― thank you, Hide."

Immediately, Hide's face lit up in a bright grin, and he squeezed him close, nuzzling his cheek softly. "I'm so glad," he exclaimed, and Kaneki found himself cracking a small smile at the sheer, contagious genuineness in Hide's tone. "I'm happy you let go and that you're comfortable now, so please don't worry about anything else, okay? I'll take care of you."

He nodded, feeling his cheeks grow warm with the slightest dusting of pink at the praise Hide was giving so freely. They sat there together for another long moment, Kaneki purring softly at the gentle attention he was being given, and Hide rubbing his back and seeming not the least bit disgusted or even bothered by the fact that they were both sitting in a puddle of urine.

"Let's get you home and comfy, okay?"

**Author's Note:**

> there was supposed to be more but i lost motivation so basicaly they admit their kinks to each other and r both ok with it and then hide takes kaneki home and he cleans up and gets appreciated and pampered and doted on for three million years
> 
> (im s o sorry about the Plot and Emo Shit that i shoved into this it wasn t supposed to be so long)
> 
> (also P L E A s e give me th sweet comments and feedback tm i live for it)


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